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Funky Beat Flaming
Bag-O-Crap
$1
+ s&h

"In childhood, nothing is more
cool than pulling a very clever prank. The child who places the flaming
bag of dog poop on somebody's welcome mat, so that an adult will stamp it
out, is quickly elevated to a mythical status in the neighborhood. Who
would have thought that such activities provide the seeds for meaningful
adult action? Now you can order you very own Flaming Bag-O-Crap from Funky
Beat. But, this time don't stamp it out when it arrives on your doorstep.
Funky Beat Definitions:
crap
(bad)
noun -
informal or offensive
something which
is worthless, useless, nonsense or of bad quality:
I can’t believe I paid $5 for this crap.
crap
(good)
noun - formal
or desirable
something which
is worthwhile, useful, sensible or of good quality:
I can’t believe I got all of this crap for
only $5.
crap
(load)
adj
- pile
a good size pile of bags of
crap:
Let's
ship this load of crap out of here!
bag
noun -
container
bag or box used to ship crap.
How did they get that much crap into this
bag?
FBFBOC
acronym
- initialism
abbreviation for "Funky Beat
Flaming Bag-O-Crap".
I can't wait until my
FBFBOC arrives on my door step!
“I
know what you’re thinking. Will they send me good crap will they send me bad crap? Well, to tell
you the truth, in all this excitement, We've kinda lost track of what is in
the bags. But being that this Funky Beat, the most powerful crap distributor
in the world, and could blow your mind
clean away, you’ve got
to ask yourself just one question:
‘Do I feel lucky?’................. Well, do ya punk?”
What’s in the bag? Look
thru the catalog. This may be some of the crap you could get. It may be
this. It might be samples from distributors, crap left from the store next
door when they moved out in the middle of the night, unclaimed stuff from
the Lost and Found, or something an employee got for Christmas from her
Uncle.
Here's how it works:
When we are up to our eyeballs
in crap, we will start boxing the stuff up and when we get a load together
we will ship it out to any one who
is willing to take a chance. This will be a random occurrence (monthly,
weekly, whenever) We will ship the crap out until it is all gone or until
we get tired of messing with it. Sometimes you
will get some really cool stuff. Sometimes you won't, but it will be worth
at least what you pay for it, (maybe to someone).
If you are on our email list
(Sign Up Here)
and we feel
like sending one out, you may get advance notice of an upcoming FBFBOC
Event. Otherwise you will need to monitor the site continuously and get
really lucky.
When you see the

located at the top of the page
I feel one coming on now.
We are about up to our neck in crap NOW!
It won't be long!
It's Here!
Watch for the

Order your FBFBOC quickly.
This will only stay on as long as we
feel like.
Usually it will depend on the size
of the load of crap that we have.
But we may just get bored and take
it off.
Ordering Rules:
A.
The FBFBOC is available to online customers only. No in store sales will be
made.
B. The
FBFBOC will cost you $1.00 + Shipping and handling ($6.95)
[International shipping charges will be charged for crap shipped out of
the United States....this will only be the amount charged by the US
Post Office]
C. When you order
your FOFBOC you
will receive one bag (box) of assorted crap.
D.
Only one FBFBOC per customer for
each Flaming Occurrence.
"Did you get lucky? ......Well, did ya punk?"
After receiving your flaming bag-o-crap you can:
Brag to your friends, complain to your mother. Don't know what it is? Maybe
someone else got the same thing and they know what to do with it. Maybe you can
trade with someone else. Maybe you could even sell it.
Terms
1. You must not expect your crap to be especially nice. If we were
unloading a lot of really cool stuff, we’d call it “Funky Beat Cool
Bag-O-Stuff” but we don’t.
2. You will not whine and
complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours. If
you’re dissatisfied with a purchase you freely chose to make even
though it was plainly labeled “Crap.”.................Tough Crap.
3. Before pressing the
ADD TO CART button, you should take
a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying
this crap and spend the rest of your life crying over over the good
crap your friend got.
4. If you don’t get the crap you want, want the crap you get.
Funky Beat
Crap Disclaimers:
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